The Bryan Bronx Proven Scientific Guide On How Not To Turn Gay

Despite all the war and religious turmoil and death around the world, the real issue is homosexuality.

Which is most likely the direct cause of all these atrocities.

It's 2015 and people still have issues with gay marriages and gay rights.

Pretty much anything gay is a problem, and should be fought against vigilantly.

Something which is strongly encouraged and seen as well as enforced in strict religious communities particularly in southern and/or Midwestern states.

But anyone with a problem concerning all things gay needs to blame themselves because there wouldn't be any gays if you people watched for the signs and triggers that caused gayness. 

You could prevent it entirely if you knew what to look for and what to avoid.

Similar to cancer, one can actually suddenly become gay or catch “The Gay” as it’s said in the world today.

Contrary to what the media tells you, you cannot catch The Gay by coming into contact with bodily fluids or germs and such.

If a gay man sneezes on you, you most likely won’t become gay, but scientists are still theorizing the effects on such an event and studies are currently underway, however, nothing has proven that one can catch The Gay in these specific situations so far.

With my help, you can spot the signs and causes and prevent The Gay from infecting you or your loved ones.

Especially your good, heterosexual, god fearing children.

In about a year’s time, we can put a severe dent in homosexual anomalies.

In about a decade of following these methods, we can eliminate The Gay entirely.

Here are the signs and causes to watch for and avoid at all costs lest you become a homosexual.

My question and answer section will put you on the straight path and as far away from queer thinking as one can get.

When you pet a dog, do you go with the grain or against it?

Most homosexuals go with the grain and that could cause you to become ill with The Gay as well.

Petting a dog by going with the grain generates static electricity in your palms causing gay cells to form. These cells formed by the electric shocks attack the heterosexual part of your brain and kill off straight cells the way cancer cells kill off healthy cells in your body. The Gay is very much a cancer in its own right and the American Cancer Society is working hard to include The Gay in its cancer compendium as well as striving to educate doctors on how to fight the disease.

Do you wear eyeglasses regularly?

Most homosexuals wear eyeglasses too. Switch to contact lenses or get Lasik or you will develop symptoms and will start preferring same sex relations. You’ll notice by a sudden surge of perspiration whenever triggers occur, such as muscular oiled men walking past you. Eventually you will be unable to fight the urges and will be fully infected with The Gay.

Do you sleep on your back or on your side?

Nintety percent of people who side-sleep become homosexuals by the age of eighteen..

Sleeping on your back has about a forty five percent chance of homosexual conversion.

The safest way to sleep is on your stomach.

Studies show that pointing your anus upwards means you have nothing to hide and are less likely to engage in homosexual sex or contract The Gay during sleep.
It may very well be too late for many children at this point, but there is always sexual reorientation through our religious leaders and anti-homogay homeopathic medication.

Do you wear a wristwatch?

Eighty percent of people who wear watches have a sixty percent chance of becoming fifty percent homosexual which means you could potentially become what is known as a “bi-sexual” but ultimately, you will still have The Gay despite your desire for enjoying both sex organs.

As an analogy, eating meat once a year disqualifies you from being a vegetarian just as having vaginal intercourse doesn’t negate allowing penises into your body.

Do you have a telephone landline?

Most homosexual DO NOT have a landline and use cell phones exclusively.

Cell phone radio waves, like static electricity, can kill straight brain cells causing you to develop homosexual tendencies and eventually, The Gay. These particular wave effects are much more prevalent with Apple brand cellular phones, studies have shown.

Most homosexuals have been known to own Apple phones or Apple wifi devices as they tend to become genetically predisposed to wanting to buy this brand once The Gay redesigns their genetic make-up.

Do you wear bowties?

This one is important, especially if you are an African American male.

Caucasian men are thirty percent more likely to develop The Gay from wearing bowties but African Americans are nintey percent more likely due to the thickness of their big black necks and the tightness of the bowties.

Every time you wear a bowtie as a black male, you are one step closer to same sex anus games.

Do you enjoy phallus shaped foods?
The more of these kinds of foods you eat, the more it is clear that you have an insatiable craving for male penis in your mouth. It’s a proven science and you can Google that to corroborate this information. There is absolutely zero evidence indicating the opposite. Stop eating these food items immediately.

Here is a small sample list of food items that promote anti-gay pheromones within your body:

HI-C juices

Gogurt brand yogurt

Elio’s Pizza

General Foods International Coffee

Muscle Milk

Orbit Gum

Hillshire Farms Turkey

Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies.

There are many others, but incorporating these kinds of foods into your diet will ensure a long life devoid of same sex activity.

Follow this guide closely and I guarantee you will never experience the horror of walking in on your loved ones performing homosexual acts on other infected teenagers and thereby upsetting our glorious gods.

Peace be with you and may we one day stomp The Gay out of existence by the grace of our deities.