Old Dreams.

I used to be into music.
Rap music specifically.
Seems like a lifetime ago, and I wouldn't say I was heavily into it, but I was pretty immersed in it at the time.
I'd constantly write music while riding on the bus to work, cranking out new songs regularly.
It's one of the things I enjoyed and I'd like to think I was rather good at it.

For those that don't know, which would be most of you,  once upon a time I went by the rapper alias of "the Mentalist" (before that stupid TV show , mind you, my name was from Legacy of Kain!).
I'd get compared to the likes of Big Pun (speedy rap style) and even Eminem at times (weird subject matter), which was a great compliment back then, not so much now though, haha.
I was also the very first rapper most people knew, this was before everyone and their mother wanted to be a rapper in my family and friends circles.
After having some chats with my cousin and a friend of mine recently, the thought of getting back into the music strongly crossed my mind.

Now the reason I stopped would still be a pretty prevalent reason, which was lack of resources.
Meaning I had minimal support, if any,  to actually make music.
These resources being production, mainly, which would open up such reasons as: no one to supply original beats, to record music, to help me bring plans to fruition, etc.
Sure, I wrote songs and once in a blue moon someone would toss me a bone and I'd receive an original beat to write music to, even had a few recording sessions, though not the best quality, still had them, but I had no one at the time with the sufficient tools to really be there to say 'let's do this shit, and make some music".
It felt more like a hobby a small job to do on the side, and after a while, I got bummed out by the fact that I couldn't make solid music for people to hear without a producer, and just stopped making it period, feeling that any attempts were futile.
I didn't want to bug my cousins, because it just felt like I'd be pussying out and they'd hold it against me someday.
The songs I did record , I put up on a myspace music page and they got mixed reviews, but were mainly bashed due to what most said was sub par recording quality.
Other "friends" bashed the subject matter, even going as far as saying I wasn't really a good enough rapper to make it.
I got the laughs, the jokes, etc, whatever, they hurt a bit, because you'd think friends would be supportive, but you get used to the negative shit when you're trying to do something new and different, because people think they know you, but they only really know one side of you, so they can't accept another part of you doing anything out of the ordinary.
People just fear what they do not understand, it's typical nature for most, once you realize and understand this, you learn that those closest to you would be the ones you're least likely to share your creativity with, which is fine.
Fuck'em.

Anyway, I figured, I am kind of old to be a rapper, pushing 31 now, BUT, if I could get a producer, I think I'd try to hit this thing hardcore.
I feel I am original and creative enough to be a really good rapper.
Most rap nowadays is just really terrible party music, I weave together intricate stories with complex lyrics to form a web of originality that is respected by those who actually understand what good rap music is all about.

Consider my interest piqued for now, let's see where this can lead.
I may or may not be the next best rapper.
If anyone has any input here, negative, positive, etc, lay it on me, I'd love to get some feedback.
And if you'd like to hear the current list of tracks, hit up the Mentalist's music page on myspace, keep in mind that they are in fact, poorly recorded, but it's because I used shitty tools.
Feel free to tell me if I'm out of my mind, or if you think it's worth a shot.