Friday, March 25, 2011

How to Feel Racially Superior and Bad Ass (Without Anyone Else Knowing).

I don't condone racism, in any way, you've all read that thingy I posted way back when, but I figured this can be your little secret. Our little secret, rather.
Crafty, huh?
Let's be completely honest here, whether you admit it or not, you feel that your kind is superior to other kinds because you hate the idea of being inferior, so fuck that, you're superior, TO ALL, regardless of what color, gender, race, creed, etc, you/they are (unless you're a Native American, then you're fucked).
If you don't feel this way, even in the slightest, then you're completely devoid of any racism and should ascend to Sainthood, even though you love anal sex and jerking off to your High School yearbook, but God will overlook that because you love everyone, you sick fuck.
Let us also state the fact that you are most likely a gigantic pussy who would never admit to having these semi-racist thoughts in public, especially in a group of diverse people, lest you get your ass whooped.
I'm not assuming you're a pussy and you may not be, but this topic, given the subject matter within, you would not say any of this shit in said group if you had a mouth full of shit, let's keep it real.

So, with that said, your buddy Bronx here is going to offer you some secret insider tips on how to display racial superiority over any and everyone, without getting your bigot ass kicked in.
In fact, my tips are so solid, that you'll be like, a motherfucking racist ninja!
You could probably form a racist secret society, but that's what congress is for, so skip that, and continue reading.
Note that if you get caught being racist, it's because you opened your god damned mouth, and deserve to get your ass pulverized.
You have to follow the steps and techniques I provide down to the motherfucking letter, otherwise, you're fucked and I'll deny it if anyone asks if I had any involvement in this shit and agree that you're a crazy racist, cross burning fuck head who loves hitting women and raping pillow animals.

You'd hit it.

I'm neither supporting nor defending racism, because I hate that shit, but at least you can feel good about yourself at the expense of others, you know, the American way.
Besides, this is the best way of figuring out ways to high five yourself and believe in your mind that you are THE SHIT.

Step 1 - Let successful White people do all the work in a revolving door.
This White guy makes more money than you, he drives a better car than you, his wife is hotter than your wife, his kids are smarter than your kids, he just beats your loser ass silly in just about everything in life.
There has to be a way to get this man to work for you without using an Infinity Gauntlet, right?
If you work in a city, particularly an office building, there's a pretty good chance that you enter and exit this building via revolving doors.
If you want to perform a massive attack of racial superiority here over the "MAN", I'm talking about one of the highest forms of expressing yourself, wait for a successful White man to prepare to exit the building, or two, hell, three , shit 2 or more and you're a regular fucking mental Malcolm X!
As they proceed to enter the revolving door on their way in or out,  quietly enter behind them as the doors begin to rotate, but DO NOT push on the doors in any way, let them do all the fucking pushing for you until you've made it completely out without lifting a finger.
As they push with all their White might, say to yourself "that's right, push this fucking door for me, White man, Push it until I'm clear, you motherfucker, you".
Not only did you just make the MAN work for you, but he had no clue he was your bitch the whole time!
Celebrate by going to Starbucks and doing the same shit to the Barista.

FASTER, you White bitch!!

Step 2 - Own the sidewalk.
This pretty much only applies to White people (or gigantic vaginas).
Sure, you guys probably feel socially and racially superior anyway, but there are still some areas where you guys feel inadequate when compared to say, Black guys.
Particularly in the pants and in the coolness genes.
Yes, it's all stereotypes, I know some of you white guys have big wangs and not all Black guys are tripods, but that doesn't stop you from crossing the street to the opposite side whenever one or more Black people are walking on your side of the sidewalk towards you.
The cool factor, I can't help with, you guys have to really work on being cool while it's just so natural for Black guys, sorry, it's fucking true.
Even lame Black guys are cooler by default, it's pretty fucked.

So here you are, walking down the block, when all of a sudden, this Black dude is walking towards you and in your mind, he's not just any Black dude, he's as big as Lawrence Taylor and as scary as Mike Tyson.
HOLY SHIT, Cross over, right? CROSS, He's getting closer!! He might steal your wallet or pound your vanilla face in or dunk you in a basketball hoop or challenge you to a freestyle rap battle. CROSS NOW!!

Fuck that, don't cross shit. It's potentially dangerous, you could get hit by a car and die or there could be like, four Black guys on the other side.
It also costs you valuable time, like, two whole minutes, which is a major loss to the White community.
You're going to march your lame, little dicked white ass straight through that block and keep your pale head high.
When you pass that Black guy, even though he really looks like this….

He can still kick your white ass.

...High five the fuck out of yourself.

Not only did you display racial dominance over that guy by not getting off of that piece of land like your ancestors did with Native Americans, you stuck it to him and showed him that you will not bend to his will, you will not give in to fear, because YOU are superior, you are better and you handed him his Black ass, and the best part is he doesn't even know it!
Be a real bad ass and think to yourself "Who's the pussy now??" as he walks away.
Use the word "Nigger" in your mind as freely as you'd like too, you fucking tough son of a bitch.

Step 3 - Make those delivery guys work their asses off.
If you live in New York City, there is a one hundred percent chance that the delivery guy is either Mexican or Chinese, so it's not as dominating when it's a third worlder because you're kind of winning there already, but if it's anywhere else, chances are it might be a young White guy delivering your shit, in which case, you're going to fucking score big for this.
I find that it's also most effective when you order the heaviest shit you can get, like a vase or two of flowers filled with water or forty bottles of soda or a few hundred 1+ pound steaks, or all of those at the same time.
You might argue that they end up coming to deliver these items using some type of mobile cart, but fuck that, do it, those carts usually have some really fucked up wheels anyway and chances are, it'll break on the way over causing him to have to drag the cart AND the heavy ass goods at the same time.

When they finally get to wherever you are, preferably a huge office building, have them drag the load to one location, only to bitch about how it needs to go somewhere else for some group of people who have moved to another location, he'll sigh in anguish but still smile as you smile over having the slave boy carry your shit.

Keep smiling; I'm not tipping you SHIT.

This can potentially go on for as long as you'd like, he has to make the delivery and his bill has to be signed and lord knows you do not have authorization to sign the bill so he has to carry that shit upstairs to the boss’s office to have that done.
Just keep telling yourself "this way, stupid, White (or colored) slave" and feel the surge of racial dominance course through your body, it feels like victory which feels like eating a handful of Wheat Thins.

Racial superiority - brought to you by Nabisco.

This guy will have no clue that he's been played and that the game being played was you being fucking racially superior to his ass in every way, what a pussy, right?
You just brought back slavery, in this guy's FACE.

See, there are countless other ways to triumph over other races and be dominant in the fight for mental domination, it all depends on how bad ass you are on the inside.

We know, you're about THIS bad ass on the inside.

I just can't list them all because I use them daily and don't want people to get wise on me.
Telephone tough guys are a thing of the past, all hail the age of the secret racists!

You are totally unlike these assholes, though.


  1. HA i do these things too! so awesome that you have the balls to post it lol

  2. My balls know no bounds, my friend!