Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I Hate Your Face, Facebook. HAPPY FRIDAY!!

I'll keep this one short, because I'm lazy.

If you happen to be alive today and I'm sure you are, (unless you're dead, then high five for reading my shit in the afterlife) chances are; you have a Facebook page, and at this point in time, you also might be as fed up and annoyed as I am by the countless "IT'S FRIDAY!" posts that you see every Friday morning notifying you that it is in fact, Friday.
It's not just the Friday posts, though, oh no, these same people must announce every day of the week, each week, with pretty much the same comment they used last week. Like "fucking Mondays" and "Hump day" and "THIRSTY THURSDAY!".
(Don't get me started on the "have a good/blessed day" people or the penis heads who speak to Facebook as if it were an actual person (GOOD MORNING FACEBOOK!!!).
I guess we should appreciate the robotic dickheads who post these messages, because if it weren't for them, we would never know what day it is, what the weather is like outside (thanks for the snow photos too, assholes) or what current song is popular , even though it is constantly being circulated all over the internet, TV and radio.

Yes, according to your Facebook pals, you had no fucking clue today was Tuesday, stupid.

But they break the news first.
I can't count how many times I woke up and had no clue what the fuck was going on outside or what day it was until I logged onto Facebook and read their posts, which may or may not have saved my life.
It's a lifesaver.
I'm wearing snow boots because my friend Ron said it was snowing, I'm preparing for the weekend because Calvin informed me that it's Friday and I know who Kanye West is because at least 1,700 people posted his newest video.
So to the drones, I'd like to say "Thank you" for being informative, thank you for being obvious and stating the obvious and for being our human calendars and flesh reminders.
THANK YOU and God bless you.

Make sure it's set to "ON" for this.

Nah, fuck that, fuck you, fuck your mother, fuck your face and eyeballs with a gargantuan sized cock and fuck your sister.
I'm tired of the same shit, get new material, for fucking Christ's sake.

HAHAHA, blasphemy tickles!

Sure it's Friday, but be original, don't just say "it's Friday", you're now just like everyone else who say's it, say "going to get laid tonight, GANG RAPE FRIDAY NIGHT!" or say "Hope I don't end up in an alleyway with Vaseline in my butt crack again tonight, FRIDAY”, whatever, just fucking be clever, or original, or shut the fuck up if you can't do either.
No one will miss you.

Even that tree hates you, dick.

We know what's going on, you fucking twat bot, we don't need reminders, and if we do, that's why we have Cell phones, because they don't just help us add small numbers or tell people where we are in the city every twenty minutes via foursquare (which is something we all fucking love by the way), they also alarm us for reminders (if we get around to setting it and shit).
I'm actually hoping Facebook causes more home robberies because you deserve it if you're telling me where you are constantly for no apparent fucking reason.

Tom Just checked into "Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow Church". "Totally stealing this guy's shit, Facebook".

So with that said, I am renaming the days of the week and/or creating a new day of the week slogan, or whatever the fuck it's called, I don't give a shit, just mix it up a little,  before I stab my eyes out with a jagged dildo.

So from now on, the list below will be how the days of the week will go, at least as far as I'm concerned or until someone creative creates a new set, since it's vastly different from the monotonous shit I see daily.
In order to be innovative, we're going to keep it hood because it's clever, and edgy, and catches on faster and when people of color do something cool, White people think it's amazing, so there's that.
I'm trying to start a trend without singing or dancing here, so fucking work with me in order to save America.

Monday will be - Mug a Nigga Monday
Tuesday will be - Take yo shit Tuesday
Wednesday will be - We ballin Wednesday
Thursday will be - Thugged out Thursday
Friday will be - Forty ounce Friday.
Saturday will be - Suck a dude's dick Saturday
Sunday will be - Steal Shit Sunday

And there you have it.
You now have something new to say, beginning tomorrow.
Sure, I'm being unreasonable or overly bitchy for something so minute, but I got nothing better to do right now, so eat my tits.

Eat them, deep fried. They also have nice DSB's, wink wink. Use your imagination....

This message was brought to you by people who think you should be posting titty pictures instead of "HAVE A GOOD DAY!".


  1. Someone asked what DSB's were, it stands for Dick Sucking Beaks....jeez...

  2. fucking awesome! laughed on every sentence.